blog alice - (s)base balls - sox and so on

some pretty damn good yankees jokes

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 01:09:18 -0400

Q: if you see a yankees fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: there's a good chance it's your bike.
Q: what do yankees fans and sperm have in common?
A: one in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: what does your average yankees fan get on an i.q. test?
A: drool.

young yankees in love

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 22:55:42 -0400

all that's missing is an a-rod sandwich?

create your own caption

michael campbell, maori extraordinaire, wins the whitest of white games

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 00:25:14 -0400

who'd a thunk it?? a maori takes the US frickin' open! hurrah!

hurrah!

god isn't dead--he's a hospitalized seminoles quarterback

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 22:13:05 -0400

what can i say? i'm a believer. and i always thought Pedro would be the first to confess...

Sexton hospitalized, suspended

Police: Seminoles QB lay in street, called himself God

Posted: Tuesday June 14, 2005 3:26PM; Updated: Tuesday June 14, 2005 8:58PM

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) -- Suspended Florida State quarterback Wyatt Sexton was taken to a hospital by police who say they observed him behaving strangely, lying in the street and telling them he was God.

Sexton was hospitalized Monday night and on Tuesday a Florida State official said he was still under medical care at an undisclosed location. He has not been charged with any crime.

Florida State Assistant Athletic Director Rob Wilson said Sexton had been suspended from the team two weeks ago because of a previously undisclosed violation of team rules. He declined to elaborate on what rules Sexton broke and said the incident Monday appeared to be unrelated....

ortiz and my dog, last october

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 17:56:22 -0400

the fat man does it again

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 18:28:19 -0400

Ortiz three-runned walk-offed it at full-count, two outs, ninth inning to wipe out the Orioles 6-4. Considering the past two seasons' ugly showings with the Orioles (my only day at Fenway was a wipeout), there's a glimmer of hope. I see Arroyo's back to the cornrows for his cd release. I can only hope that he plays guitar 10³⁸X better than he pitches.

damon and rhinoplasty

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 08:32:32 -0400

Johnny D. smacked the ole Monster with his brow last night against the Orioles, needing stitches above his right eye. I was just commenting yesterday on his latest highlight job (which looks a hell of a lot better than mine).

They made him take the Drew Barrymore test:

Concerned that Damon may have suffered another concussion, the Red Sox asked their center fielder to take a quick oral exam.

``I had to know four words,'' he said. ``Let's see, they were blue, plane, tree and grass. I had to know those four words and count some numbers.''

Reminiscent of 2003's Damian Jackson man-hug:

from my favorite cardinals fan...

Sun, 01 May 2005 10:35:12 -0400

can't buy me a decent ball team?

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 12:45:22 -0400

Guess the Yanks are getting some crit for their fat wallets and lack of skill. Is the Age of Steinbrenner over? It's funny. Last year the sox RARELY got past the O's--the Memorial Day game last year that cost me $200 bucks is living testimony of the fact. Or is this a publicity stunt to rally fan support [some nagging part of me still returns to the sox "amazing" win last year--reminded me of a Hulk Hogan in sleeperhold starts shaking wristbanded arm and abracadabra! the underdog overcomes! but we don't throw ballgames, do we?]

'Enough is enough'

Steinbrenner rips Yankees after O's complete sweep

"Minutes after watching the Yankees lose their fourth straight game, an 8-4 bashing by the Baltimore Orioles, Steinbrenner lashed out at his manager and a 25-man roster that is costing "The Boss" a whopping $200 million in salary."
"When he paid millions of dollars for free agent pitchers Randy Johnson, Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright, Steinbrenner expected New York to make a run at the defending world champion Red Sox. He did not anticipate seeing the Yankees start 4-8, including 1-5 against Baltimore, a team the Yankees have dominated for years...."

is major league baseball going pro-wrestling? MLB SMACKDOWN! (subtopic: steroids, schmeroids)

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 21:51:56 -0400

It's another classic season opener for the Yankees (Randy Johnson looks like a tool in pinstripes and sort of like Dale Earnhart, post mortem) and the Red Sox (3rd inning blunders, alone: Wells smacking batters; Renteria dropping balls (no pun intended); Damon smacking the wall; Wells balking; shall I continue?)....Aside from the pathetic "rivalry commercialism," ESPN2 just posted the punishments for cited steroid uses (some steroids and amphetamines are O.K.). From the NY Times:

The policy says that the penalty for a first positive test for steroids is "a 10-day suspension or up to a $10,000 fine," and there is no public identification of players who are fined rather than suspended. Baseball has said that first-time offenders would be publicly identified as having failed a test in addition to a suspension.
Davis said a player could buy his way out of a violation. "What's $10,000 to Barry Bonds?" he asked. Davis also noted that there could be no punishment at all. Olympic athletes are suspended for two years for a first positive drug test.

I concur. And Olympians don't even get paid. Outside of the silly Lance Armstrong drama that's going on, baseball's a mess. Of course, the announcers begin on the steroid business and bylaws (emphasizing that there's only a commissioner discipline on the fifth offense--and the players can choose the time of their punishment) directly before Matsui comes up to bat. I'm not sure what's worse, the prior or showing every damn Asian in the audience everytime good ole "Godzilla" comes up to bat. So drug use and racism are A-OKAY! Evidence to support my argument (thanks to my student Matt Pfister's powerpoint presentation). Before....and after:

Giambi McGwire